Why should you suffer so someone else can be happy? I mean how many times has someone wanted you to do something you really did not want to do because you knew it would be a painful or miserable experience for you and then they got mad at you for not doing what would make them happy? Or vice versa, you have a dream or opportunity you want to pursue but it would significantly affect someone else’s life so they’d rather you stay where you are and not follow your heart.
Why should someone else’s happiness be at the expense of your own? It just doesn’t make sense. If I know something will make you miserable and not add joy to your life then why would I want you to do it just so I can be happy. I’m responsible for my happiness, not you and you are responsible for your happiness, not me.
No one should want another to sacrifice their own happiness so that they themselves can be happy.
I speak from experience. As I mentioned last week, my family has an opportunity to move to California and it’s something I’ve wanted for a long, long time. Unfortunately, it’s a very sensitive topic for my mom. I’m my mother’s only child and my two children are her only grandchildren so our moving away is very upsetting news to say the least. I know many families have dealt with the same issue – grandparents not wanting their children and grandchildren to move away and it brings up many emotions. But it’s one thing to be sad about such changes in life. It’s another to make it the end of the world. Yet my mother does just that. She makes me feel like I’ve completely betrayed her and puts the weight of her unhappiness on my shoulders. I know it’s not mine to own but it still makes me very sad to know she’s hurting.
We could easily say we’re staying so that our families can be content and not feel the ache of our absence but the bottom-line is this…our friends and family should be happy for us that we are pursuing our dreams and moving towards a more ideal life for ourselves and our children. Staying here for the joy of occasional visits (because it’s not like we see our family everyday or every week, it’s more like once, sometimes twice a month) at the expense of our everyday quality of life and joy makes no sense and I’m not apologizing for or feeling guilty for choosing my happiness and well-being over someone else’s, not even my mothers. Besides we’re moving to another state not another planet. We’ll visit (often) and there’s always Skype.
I’m choosing to live in my flow, to live an authentic life, to stand in my truth and to live my dreams not someone else’s. This is something we all need to do more of. Whether it’s moving across the world to your ideal Spot or coming out of the closet because you’re gay and proud, or pursuing a career in music when your parents want you to be a fourth generation doctor. This is YOUR life and you have the right to be happy in it. I’m all for making appropriate sacrifices for the happiness and well-being of others but when it comes to the big stuff, the major life decisions and your everyday quality of life, I say claim your slice of happiness and joy and give the would-be dream blockers the time and space to accept your right to live your most authentic and fulfilled life. They may be sad or hurt for a while, but they’ll get over it…and so should you. Besides, somehow it always works out for the best for everyone concerned.